What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
