His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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