I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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