I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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