He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
