So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
