Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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