I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
A bitchslap is in order.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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