i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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