Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Hello my rib-scented angel!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
