the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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