don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
