i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize