you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
my being single is dangerous.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
