I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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