nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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