you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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