I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
