Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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