I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I love you.
Bad choice
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
