why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Randomize
