My first STD was from a foam party
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
