Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
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