He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Found your dick twin last night
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
