im about as happy as oj after his trial
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
