Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
