Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
