dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
