he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
