my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
