I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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