wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
