"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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