i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize