wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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