I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
