dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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