I am puke
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
