My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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