Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Randomize
