I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
My pussy is not your playground.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
