rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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