I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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