its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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