She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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