No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
