oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
