i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
i think i just lost a toe
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
