Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
