remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
