fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
